Wait, But I Don’t See Him!

When I was in 2nd grade, I thought it was a pain to go to Mass. I was incredibly good at zoning out during Fr. Fernando’s homily, and secretly jealous of all my classmates who had already received their First Communion. I did not yet comprehend what was going on. 

On any Tuesday morning, a wide range of comments can be heard in my own 2nd grade classroom before we head to Mass. From a sweet “Yayyy, we have Mass,” to the grumpy “Do we have to go again? It’s so boring Ms. Vaquero.” Comments like this not only take me back to my own thoughts when I was seven, but also remind me of my main goal: to help my students know and love Jesus. 

Like the teachers at St. Catherine’s, our priest Fr. Kim also helps the kids learn our faith. He enjoys quizzing the students on the readings, and everyone else enjoys hearing their responses. Sometimes, Fr. Kim asks a question exactly about what we’ve been learning in Religion class. I give my students the “You know this!” look, only to be met with clueless eyes and I make a note to review it when we get back to the classroom. However, usually you can count on one or two of my students to raise their hand excitedly and answer the first thing that pops into their head. Recently, Fr. Kim asked, “Do you remember the epiphany?” to which my student Vincent too eagerly exclaimed “No!” While maybe I wished Vincent would’ve been more discrete with his answer, I love how honestly my students encounter Christ. 

This week we learned the word “awe.” The book we read defined it simply as the feeling that makes you go “Oooooh, ahhhh, whoaaa.” It is a privilege to witness my students’ own moments of genuine awe during Mass like when I told a student that Jesus is in the Eucharist and he said “whoa, is He in there?” followed by a disappointed, “Wait, but I don’t see Him, where is He Ms.Vaquero?”

It can be hard to explain the greatest miracle of all to young children only using words, but observing them during Mass, I know they’re starting to experience—and so also starting to understand—who Jesus is. They know that Jesus loves them more than they can ever imagine, that He died for our sins, that we can offer things up when they are challenging, and that they are never alone. 

While I certainly know more than I did when I was in 2nd grade, I don’t think I fully comprehend the mystery of the Mass, nor will I pretend that I never zone out. However, attending Mass as a school community continues to help me see things in my life more clearly. Without the Eucharist, we are nothing. With it, we become closer to Jesus, closer to heaven. 

Standing next to my kids as we pray the Our Father, I can’t help but smile gratefully. I thank God for the children He has entrusted to me, and almost immediately also ask for the grace to continue to do this work and teach these students well.